i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize