And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
