do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
