Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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