As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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