She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
