i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize