omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
