i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drake has all the answers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
