Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
