Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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