You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am available for nakedness
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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