Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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