Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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