Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
