I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
