your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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