i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
