yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
