entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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