the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize