i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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