I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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