So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
