thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
