Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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