I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
even my farts smell like vagina
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize