so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
