I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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