so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
