seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
