So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Houston, we have a squirter
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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