i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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