He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
