dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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