His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
