his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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