i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
