you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
