I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
