I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
