When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
