you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
