I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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