I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
