Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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