I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
