Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
