never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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