if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
