I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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