oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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