So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
