everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
