Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
