Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
