i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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