so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
