PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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