So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
