I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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