It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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