Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
