FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
