omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize