Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
