I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
