So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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