awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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