wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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