I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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