im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
