if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
