how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
