An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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