So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
