the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
