We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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