You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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