i permit you to call me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
