How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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