therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
