well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're too hungover to prance.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
