she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize