That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
