just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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