I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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