I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize