You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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