i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
