you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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