He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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