8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How's work?
Spinning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
