jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
