I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
