We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
