I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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