Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
