This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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