You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
