I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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