im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
