I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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