i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
