I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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