He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
