Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
