C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize