So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
