Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
