you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
