the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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