Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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