It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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