from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
farters have to be the big spoon...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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