Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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