just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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