She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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